


Coming Undone

by AdieSmed (annelea)



Series: Battle Symphony [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Body Image Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Infanticide, Miscarriage, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Re-intigration, identity crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 15:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11831610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annelea/pseuds/AdieSmed
Summary: He has no idea how long he's been a prisoner, sometimes brought out into the ring for fighting, others put into a stasis pod for unknown periods of time.  One familiar face (was that a new-old-scar on his cheek?) breaks him out.Who are these people Matt brings him to?  Why do some of them embrace him, while others act like he's about to betray them at any moment?  Of course he's Takashi Shirogane!  Who else would he be?  And who is this guy that looks just like him in the holo-images standing with them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Listened to Korn's Coming Undone on Pandora earlier. Got this plot bunny.

Cold.

This bone deep cold was typical of waking up from a time in the stasis pods.  The Galra didn't care about giving their prized prisoner gladiators warm blankets or hot food or drink when being pulled out of the damn things.  Being healthy again was its own reward, he'd been told.  It didn't matter that he'd always have the shakes and quickly develop a sniffle as his body struggled to re-adjust to animation.

This time, though, someone sat him down in a chair, a chair that had an over sized blanket that was quickly wrapped around his body and head.  A bowl of hot broth was quickly placed in his hands.  It was some sort of meat he wasn't familiar with, but it smelled fatty.  Fatty meat, even if only a broth, was something he didn't lack for as a prisoner.  Since he was meant as a fighter for entertainment, certain caloric intake was needed to keep him in top shape after all.  However, the fact that this was hot, not room temperature, was a pleasant surprise.

It made him wonder what was about to go bad fast.  Treats only came for one of two reasons.  Either he was about to be put into a death match, or had just survived one.  But... the air was tense with a different air about it.  Usually, the tension in the air would be about his ability to win the next round-win them some money or other prize.  This time, it felt like lots of eyes were on him.

Shiro slurped up the broth with greed.  He knew if he didn't get it down fast, it would be taken away.  Food he received when fresh out of a pod was usually taken away when he got no more than half of it down.  Yet, here he was, finishing the last drops.

"You want some more, man?"

It was the first thing he had heard other than the shuffle of cloth and a few foot falls.  The sound of the voice startled him.  Maybe it was the words themselves, the way they were said, cautionary, worried, that bothered him more than the fact that someone had actually spoke.

He nodded almost imperceptibly, eyes glued to the empty bowl.  Yes.  Yes, he wanted more.  Would he be allowed?  Was it too much to hope?  Was someone about to bring that damned whip down on his back for daring to accept the offer?

Feet shuffled.  A fresh bowl was brought, just as full as the last one.  The old one was taken away.

Tears filled Shiro's eyes now.  He couldn't stop them.  The happy ache in his chest was painful.  Worried the show of emotion might undo the spell, he sucked down that bowl as well, swiping up the last drops with a finger.

"Okay, man, that's all we can give you for the moment," a hand patted his shoulder.

Shiro flinched away, unable to handle the gentle contact.  Why was this guy so gentle?  Gentle was too good.  Gentle was bad.  Gentle meant something really, really bad was on the way.

"We need to get you to our med-labs and get a baseline for your vitals.  See if you can have solids and all, you know?"

More tests, then.  Were they going to replace his arm a fifth time?  Were they going to take another limb?  He curled up in the chair, appreciating everything he still had of his own.  Sure, they had only taken one arm, but he hated what they had given him in return.  What else of himself were they going to change?

"Hey, Shiro, look at me, man," the speaker had his hand on his shoulder again.  "We're so glad to have finally found you... the real you.  It's a long story, but...  We're going to help you.  I know it's going to take time, but I want you to know I'm here for you.  We all are here for you.  I forgive you, okay?  I forgave you a long time ago.  Do you understand?"

Confused, Shiro looked up.  The face was somewhat familiar.  The memory of that face (was that a new scar?) came back as if through a thick fog.  He spoke for the first time since well before being put into the pod last.  "Matt Holt?"

"That's right," the young man nodded with a smile.  "That's good.  I was worried you wouldn't remember me."

"You're not supposed to be here!" Shiro stood quickly, reaching for Matt's shoulders, eyes wide.  "I tried to stop it.  Please, you need to get out of here!  Don't let them put you into the ring-"

Matt caught him as he hit the floor, legs too weak to keep himself up.  Why?  Why was he so drained?  Cold was normal.  Shaking was normal.  Hunger was normal.  Why was he so weak?  How long was he in the pod this time compared to the others?

"It's alright," Matt knelt before him.  "This ship is pretty much dead.  No more fights going on here.  Come on.  Help me get you back up in the chair, man.  We'll get you to the Castle and into the med-lab there.  I'll explain more later.  One thing at a time, okay?"


	2. Chapter 2

The castle Matt had mentioned turned out to be the mothership for the weapon known as Voltron.  He had heard some about Voltron from fellow prisoners and a few guards.  Voltron had attacked the ship he was kept on at least once.  He thought he would die because of Voltron and the Castle of Lions more than once.  The first time, he had been afraid to die that way.  The last time, he almost embraced it.  He'd begged for it, even.

Now, here he was, entering a hangar deck where one of the five pieces of the weapon was housed.  A giant black, silver lion with red and yellow markings sat stoically in the hangar.  He guessed, with no pilot inside, he didn't have anything to worry about.

Until it moved.

It moved and stared straight at him.  The huge metal beast stood and watched him the whole way through the hangar, even taking a step towards the door which was much too small to allow its entry.

"Well, you've certainly upset black," a new voice called out from down the hall.  "Matt, who or what did you-"

The guy fell silent, shock being the first sign of recognition.  Then, a grim, firm line clearly meant to be read as impartial settled in.

"So." the armor clad young man looked back to Matt.  "You found another one."

Another one?  Another prisoner, or something else?

"No, Keith, look at him," Matt said in hushed tones.  "I think I found _the_ one."

"No way to really tell until we get a carbon dating analysis," Keith huffed.  "Even then...  It needs to be older than me and Lance to really be sure.  Remember what happened the last time we thought we found the real one."

"That's where I'm taking him right now.  Don't worry about me.  I've got my priorities straight.  Just keep _her_ out of the way until we know for sure."

"Coran's already working on five other rescues."

"It's alright.  I can perform the tests myself.  Why are you here?  Something new going on?"

"Black called out the moment you walked in his hangar," Keith pointedly looked to Shiro again.  "He's really confused right now.  I came to check it out.  Seems I got my answer."

Shiro sat through their conversation silently, taking in any and every piece of information he could to use later.  One never knew what was important until the moment came.  If he needed to, he would find a way out of here.  They weren't likely to have a way to use the implant in his neck against him.  The systems on this ship were clearly quite different to Galra systems.  As long as he didn't get caught by Galra or their sympathizers again, he could escape and stay free.  On the run at the very least.

What he could determine so far was that Black was the giant lion in the equally giant hanger behind them.  This guy, Keith had received a message from the lion alerting him to his and Matt's presence.  There was a female aboard this ship that needed to be kept away from him.  They thought he was an imposter.

"Well, I'm going to go get this done and get him some quarters for now," Matt started pushing the floating, warming, chair along the halls again.

"I'm coming with you," Keith announced, falling into step beside them.  "Just in case."

Matt didn't respond, so Shiro spoke up on his own this time.  "In case of what?"

"Some things we need to protect you from right now," Matt sighed.

"Or from you," Keith nearly spat.  "Depends on the situation.  Behave and don't talk to anybody but us for now."

Behave.  Of course.  They gave him treats like blankets and hot food.  They didn't tie him down, but he was weak.  Were they the reason he was weak to begin with?  He was being found "quarters" somewhere, but what kind?

He played along.  Sure, he knew how to get of this ship, but only so far as back onto the Galra ship they'd taken him from.  That was the last thing he wanted right now.  He'd need more information before making an escape.  He might even have to wait until they landed on a planet.  Did this ship ever land planet side?  Not all did.  Movement in open space was much easier than breaking orbit from a planet.  Judging by the size of what he'd seen so far, this ship might just be too much to get back into open space again, let alone a low orbit.  Not unless they had a majorly powerful, yet incredibly light weight fuel source that didn't explode atmospheres when ignited.

The med-lab was rather quiet.  The five others Keith had mentioned were all asleep except for one who just kept staring at the tall, orange haired man taking her vitals.  The man kept on smiling until he saw Shiro being brought in.  A look of recognition, then sadness, then acceptance all passed over his features.  He looked up to Matt, gave a nod, then went back to the task of checking over the woman- a species he wasn't familiar with- again.

"This is going to sting pretty bad," Matt warned.  "I'd like to just get it over with and get your body scan done as quickly as possible.  We need to find any major areas to address before worrying about your general health.  The last time...  Well... implants are a possibility we need to take care of first."

"You putting something in me?  Or looking for something to take out?"

"Looking for something to take out.  A lot of prized gladiators and all spies have an implant in them somewhere.  Considering your reputation, I'm sure you have at least one whether or not you're aware of it."

"My reputation?"

"They call you the Champion."

"Oh.  That reputation."  Shiro pointed to a spot just to the right of his C-3 spinal disc.  "It's right here."

"Thanks," Matt smiled, happy for the help.  "Know of any others?"

"No.  This one seemed to be enough."

"Okay.  I'm still going to check.  But, first, we need to get a sample of your tissues from dermis to bone marrow.  Like I said, it's going to sting like hell.  Then we'll work on getting that out and finding any others you might not know about.  Okay?"

"Why do you need the sample?"

"I'll explain all that later.  First thing's first.  We see what you know, confirm you are who we think you are, get you logged into the ship's systems, give you a security clearance level, and get you strong enough to walk on your own again.  It's a big castle, and there's lots of walking involved."

"I see.  You don't trust me.  You're just going to lock me away like they did.  Funny it would be you, Matt..."

"That's not true.  Look, it's really complicated.  I need to know what you know before I can fill in any holes.  Heck, it would be better if you talked to me while we did these tests and got that chip out.  I know it's a stretch to think back that far, but can you start with when we got captured on Keberos?"

Shiro nodded.  What would it hurt?  All he had to tell was what Matt already knew.  They were captured, split up, then reunited in the hall, about to become fodder for an established gladiator.  Recognizing the fact that he was probably the most physically capable person in that holding area, he attacked Matt and scared the hell out of everyone else present.  He wanted them to stay grouped up, easier to protect.  More than that, he needed to get his friend out of the line of fire all together.

It worked.  From that day on he remained a prisoner and gladiator for entertainment.  He'd made a few escape attempts and had succeeded once, only to be quickly recaptured and fitted with the chip in his neck.  If he left a Galra ship without the proper pass codes or the security system disabled completely, it would paralyze him.  He learned that lesson the hard way.  Twice.

Tests were done.  His arm was injured in a fight.  Instead of healing him as they had in the past, they replaced it.  Then they replaced it again.  Several times they gave him upgrades.  Then Matt was there, wrapping him in blankets and feeding him broth.

"So...  what do you know of Voltron?"

"It's a weapon the ancient Alteans made.  I'm not sure what an Altean is.  Haven't seen one.  Not a normal one.  They say Prince Lotor is half.  I know it's been close to me a couple times.  It made the guards nervous and gave a lot of prisoners hope for rescue.  They had heard of others being rescued by Voltron."

"But you have no real personal connection to it?"

"Why would I?  It was barely more than legend until I saw that giant metal cat earlier.  Do they really act independently?  On their own, without a pilot, I mean?"

"Yes, they can," Matt nodded.  Something was beeping at him.  He left for a second, then came back with a relieved look on his face, even the tension in his shoulders was somewhat lessened.  "Well, this confirms it.  You're samples tell us you're older than Keith, younger than my dad, and they don't quite match the others which all matched exactly.  You're the real deal, Takashi Shirogane.  Dad's gonna be so happy!"

"So..." Shiro looked up to meet his eyes for the second time all day.  "How much freedom does that buy me?  Who are the others you keep talking about?"

Matt's face fell.  "Oh, yeah.  They had all of each other's memories which were built off yours.  You wouldn't have gotten them."

"Who, Matt?"

"The clones they made of you.  Some of them were so convinced they were you, that they actually gave the Galra quite a fight.  Later models were altered to subtly work against Voltron.  It worked at first.  They couldn't stop taking you back... well who they thought was you."

Well, that explained why he saw a couple of humans that were clearly not Matt or Sam Holt.  It had been so long since he'd seen his own reflection, he wasn't sure if the others looked like him or not, but they certainly looked like each other.  "So, who are these people you keep referring to?  Is Keith one of them?  Should I know him?"

"He doesn't seem familiar at all?"

"I think..." Shiro struggled for a moment.  "I mentored a Keith Kogane before we left Earth.  Looks similar, but my Keith had a mullet."

"Yeah, he cut that off last year, thankfully."

"How long has it been?"

"Nine years since we landed on Keberos.  Keith and the others came out here the next year."


	3. Chapter 3

The next person he was allowed to interact with was the other doctor.

Shiro was quickly corrected.  Coran was not a doctor.  He was a royal advisor who had since taken on a lot more duties and skill sets since his ten thousand year hibernation broke eight years ago.  Maintenance, medical, technical... even combat.

It was Coran who took out the restraint chip from his neck, and then scanned him for more.  It seemed he had five more trackers, some of them buried deep.  They were all disabled, but two of them had to stay in.  The natural tissue of his organs had scarred around them pretty well, making their removal potentially harmful.  The arm itself did not turn out to be anything other than the advanced weaponized prosthetic it was known as.  No disablers, no trackers, no other booby traps.  After all, why would a Galra tech want to work on something they knew was going to harm them the instant they touched it?  A band around the base of the contraption would turn it's weapons functions off, but nothing else.

Coran introduced him to Princess Allura.  She didn't ask many questions, instead offering to give him a tour of the castle later, maybe in a couple days, after he settled in and regained enough strength.  Which raised the question again.

"Why am I so weak?" he demanded.  "I've never been this weak coming out of a pod before."

"The ship you were on was disabled over a year ago," Allura answered, straight forward.  "All of the top gladiators were being stored there in pods.  The Galra were hiding you all away until they could get a break to start the fighting sessions again.  They thought you would be out of our reach, but we attacked.  We left the wreckage until we could come back and see what was salvageable.  We knew there were viable life forms aboard, but did not have the ability to come back until now.

"To be honest, we feared someone else would have come by and taken all the pods by now.  It's bad enough that a lot of the pods failed while we were away.  Still, we're taking in small groups as their systems become more stable.  Re-powering the group of pods you were in happened almost too late.  Yours actually shut off for several ticks before Pidge got it running again."

"Pidge?"

"She's eager to meet you," Allura smiled.  "Well...  She's worked closely with your clones, so don't be surprised if she makes assumptions about you.  Clearly, you are not like them.  Your experiences and memories separate you from them greatly.  Give her some time to adjust."

"Actually," Coran stepped in, "I think it will be harder for him to adjust to her.  The last he knew of her, she was thirteen human years old.  Wouldn't she be twenty-two human years old now?"

"I never knew anybody named Pidge," Shiro shrugged.

"It's Katie Holt," Matt interrupted them.  "My sister.  She goes by Pidge now."

Shiro thought for a moment on that one.  "I don't remember your sister.  Do you have that old picture of her?"

"Never worry," Allura called up a system on the wall.  It started showing images of a kid, then a teen, then a young woman.  "We take a new identification image every so often for the security system.  Since most of the Paladins showed up young, we had to make new ones often so that their maturing faces didn't throw the system off."

"You have a cute sister, Matt," Shiro felt his mouth tug into a faint smile.  "Why did she come out here?  Wasn't she supposed to stay with your mother?"

"We should let her explain that herself," Allura cut off any answer Matt could produce.  "I'll show you to the room we have prepared for you.  You can read through some of our more recent events in the logs from there.  I'll teach you to use the communication system.  Dinner will not be ready for a while.  Cooking for the extra guests takes more time.  One of us will contact you when it is ready, and then you can decide if you'd like to eat alone or join the rest of us."

Shiro looked at her with suspicion.  "I thought you were the princess.  Do princesses usually do all of these things themselves?"

"Do royal advisors usually clean out toilets and showers?" Matt gestured at Coran.  "This ship's been run on less than bare bones crew for years, Shiro.  Just roll with it."

Medical checks over, orders to rest and take it easy given, Shiro was eventually lead-slowly-to a hall with several rooms.  Each had a desk, chair, bed, and a small bathroom.  A built in interface was in the desk, which Matt ended up teaching him how to use.  His sister had made a program to change everything into English for the humans' sake.  It had been a long, long time since Shiro had read anything in English, and it took him a minute to adjust.  Satisfied he could navigate the system, Matt taught him the basics of the shower, sink, and toilet in the already stocked bathroom.

And it was then that he got his first look at himself in almost a decade.  He had a beard, and his braided hair was in disarray.  More scars littered his face and arm than he thought.  Sure, there was that one he'd had across his face from when he was in a training accident his first year at the Garrison, but where did that one on his forehead come from?  What about the one where his ear was clearly missing a chunk?  He really couldn't remember when those happened.  There had been so many fights.

The initial startle his appearance gave him had him tumbling backwards into Matt.  Once again, the young man was helping him back up to his feet.

"Yeah, I didn't really recognize you at first either," Matt laughed nervously.  "I'll help you get your hair sorted out, and teach you how to use their version of a razor.  The rest is your job."

"Just don't make me look like the clones, whatever they do with their hair.  I want to look different from them, recognizable, but different." Shiro asked.  "Got any way to dye my hair back to black?"

Way, way more white than black remained, he realized, looking more cautiously at his reflection.

"I look like an old man."

"I think we can take care of that," Mat said confidently.  "Do you want it all colored, or just most of it?"

"All."

"That alone will distinguish you from the clones," Matt told him.  "They all have a white patch at the front."

"Then I definitely don't want it."

Matt worked some magic and got his hair manageable again, all of it one color, all about two inches long all the way around, and then demonstrated the Altean equivilint of an electric razor on himself before handing it over to Shiro to experiment with.  All facial hair was nearly removed when Matt reminded him that eyebrows should probably stay on his face if for no other reason than their use as a natural sweat band.

"Okay, I'm going to go set out some clothes for you, man," Matt told him, backing out of the bathroom.  "I need to go for a while, so, just use the comms if you need anything before dinner.  I'll probably be the one to escort you there."

"Uh, hang on," Shiro reached out and grabbed him by the arm.  "I...  Am I locked in?  Can I go out on my own?"

"You can..." Matt shrugged.  "I just don't suggest it.  Certain people may not know you're here yet.  If Lance or Hunk run into you right now, and they haven't been told, they might try to kill you, and you're not exactly in condition to fend off angry paladins."

"Why would they want to kill me?"

"Long, long story.  Leave it for another time."


	4. Chapter 4

Keith was the one to come in and get him for dinner.  What he found was Shiro trying to figure out which way his shirt was supposed to be worn.  The skin tight suit and loose rag of a regular shirt he'd worn for so long was far different from these looser, warmer clothes.  Figuring out which way the underwear went was easy, as were the pants.  Being that most species had their genitals in roughly the same area meant that those items were generally made the same.  He'd accidentally put on shoes, but thought the socks were meant for his hands, and Keith had to quickly remedy that situation first.  Shirt finally placed the correct direction, Shiro decided he wasn't comfortable at all.

Sure, for most these clothes would be luxurious.  Soft, airy, light, but warm in the cool temperatures of space as they were, he just didn't feel secure.  He'd grown so used to the body suit it had become a second skin.  This was too easy to remove.  This wasn't protective to anything but modesty.

"You'll get used to it," Keith assured.  "We have undersuits you can get later if you need."

Need.  Keith didn't say want.  He understood.

Looking the younger man over, he could tell Keith had kept in top physical condition, grown muscle as much as height.  He wasn't the lithe kid he used to be.  A scar on his throat proved his time in combat.  Little scars littered Keith's arms and hands, too.  All of them were different ages.  Shiro had gotten good at telling the ability and length of time spent fighting in the arena by the scars on his opponents.  He bet Keith, like himself, didn't remember where most of them came from.

Keith gave him a knowing look.  "None of us are going to get out of this unmarked.  Even the Princess and Coran have their share."

Shiro nodded, "Okay.  Let's get this show over."

The younger man gave him a look of pity now.  "We'll get you a few undersuits on the way back.  And, it's not a show.  You're not on display.  We're just going to get some food and introduce you to everyone else who's been working here the past eight years."

"What about the other prisoners?"

"They elected to eat separately."

"Shouldn't I do the same?"

"It's been a long time since you've been around other humans.  We think the contact will do you some good.  Ultimately, it is your choice, though.  I'm sure Hunk can bring you something after he's done eating if you want."

There.  There was that offer of solitude again.  Solitude was forced on him by the Galra.  Solitude had given him a safe haven in the past.  His cell was his own sacred space.  If he was being difficult about coming out, the guards would reach in and grab him, but they knew better than to enter his space for any other reason.  He would defend his little piece of solace more than he'd defend himself.

Yet the option was open here.  He could mingle with others if he chose.  He could keep people out if he chose.  They respected his choices.  Now, if he could just figure out if it was safe to come out.  Leaving his cell meant one of two things while imprisoned.  Either he was going to fight, or he was going to the labs.  Going to the labs was the only time he was allowed (sometimes forced) to take a shower.

Matt hadn't shoved him in the shower, locked it, then sprayed him down.  Here, he had been allowed to choose his own temperature, use good smelling soap, even tame his hair.  He was allowed to take his time and soak under the spray.  He was allowed to brush his teeth.  He had five flavors of mouthwash to choose from.  He had plush towels and a thick bathrobe.  He had two sets of clothes to choose from.

So very many choices.  He'd taken so long to decide that he hadn't figured out the shirt before Keith had come to collect him.  Thankfully the other man was willing to address the couple of clothing issues he'd come across.

Too many choices.

Would he be given choices on food, too?

How would he decide?  Would there be anything recognizable?  He guessed he'd eat the most recognizable option, if there was one.

"It's okay.  I want to see where the kitchen is.  I may not eat much now, but need something later."

Keith nodded, then lead the way out the door.  It was slow going again, as Shiro insisted on walking on his own two feet.  He knew good and well that the only way to get his physical strength back up was to force his muscles into movement as soon as possible, push a little harder each time he used them.  The dining room went quiet the moment the doors opened.

Shiro looked over the people before him.  There was Matt closest to the door, about to set his plate down on the table.  To his left was the young woman Shiro would have never recognized as Katie Holt from the old picture Matt had carried around had it not been for the holo-images Allura had shown him earlier.  Her hair was much shorter, but looked like it had grown out from the time the last image the castle had logged for her.  To her left was an empty place.  On the other side sat a massive young man, all bulky muscle with a small layer of fat over it, his hair pulled into a small pony tail.  Beside him sat a thinner man with caramel colored skin who had the most evil stare Shiro had seen in a long time.  Actually, both of these young men were giving him death glares.  Coran and Allura were smiling hopefully at the head of the table.

Where was Sam Holt?  Matt had said his father would be happy to see Shiro.

Matt happily gave introductions as Keith took his place beside Katie.  "Pidge, Lance, Hunk, may I finally introduce you to the real, the really real, Takashi Shirogane."

"Prove it." Lance, the thin one, stood up.  "Prove it, or you don't get to sit in this room with us."

"I-" Shiro started, but was at a loss for words.  Did this guy really deserve any more proof than what Matt could give?

"I already have," Matt argued.  "And don't be so mean!  He hasn't done anything to you.  He's never even met you!"

"We've been tricked and betrayed before," the big guy, Hunk, commented lowly.  "Even if he is the real guy, how do we know he hasn't been brain washed to work against us anyway?"

"Black responded to him differently than he did to any of the clones," Keith offered up.

"How?" Hunk demanded.

"Worry, curiosity, eagerness."

"In what way?" Pidge asked, refusing to look at Shiro past the first glance she had given him.  "All of those can be bad.  Does Black want to leave you for him?  He worried that this is another fake?"

"He seemed focused on the fact that Shiro seemed hurt and different," Keith answered.  "He never cared that much about the physical state of any of the others after the first one.  He's shown me that he can tell the difference now.  He keeps wanting me to bring Shiro back to him for confirmation."

"And you're making him wait?"

Shiro had to interrupt now.  "Wait...  You're all talking about someone named Black?"

"The Black Lion," Keith provided.  "They have their own sentience.  They can talk to us through images, emotions, and some sounds.  Usually, they only talk to their own Paladin, the castle, and each other."

"Why would it give a damn about me?"

"Why don't we leave these questions for after eating?" Allura interjected, gesturing for him to sit between her and Keith towards the head of the table.  "I'm sure the Black Lion can hold out a bit longer and let Shiro regain some more strength before testing him."

"Hey," Lance looked to Keith worried, "you don't think Black's going to shut you out like Blue shut me out, do you?  You're not going to be replaced or anything, right?"

"It's all up to the Lions," Keith sighed.  "You know that.  We'll worry about all that later."

"Before we have to this time, I hope," Lance shot Allura a meaningful look.

"Certainly," she agreed, then started putting several soft foods onto Shiro's plate for him.  "You should enjoy these.  They're soft, so they won't upset your stomach, but Hunk learned to make dishes resembling those from Earth, well some of them.  I'm sure it's been a long time since you had something familiar."

"The stuff they fed us was pretty consistent," Shiro answered.  "Fatty meats, vitamin rich vegitable like things, but always the same kind.  Not always in the same proportions.  The broth Matt gave me was the most flavorful thing I can remember.  What was it?  Something reminded me of home."

"Well..." Matt smiled a bit.  "We bought some meat similar to pork at the last supply stop.  And it had milk in it, too.  Turns out these guys got themselves a dairy cow at some point, so we've almost always had fresh milk, butter, cream, and Dad figured out how to make cheese."

"Is there any of that here?" he asked, curiously looking over the foods on his plate and the white liquid in the glass before him.

"Yep, that's whole milk in your cup, and the closest to cottage cheese Mr. Holt could get in a short time, and butter on the yellow goo that tastes like mashed potatoes," Hunk offered, then slapped a hand over his mouth as if remembering he wasn't supposed to be helpful.

Yellow.  Yeah, that was pretty brightly yellow, Shiro figured.  He offered a weak smile at the biggest person at the table.  "Keith told me you do most of the cooking.  Thank you for telling me.  I forgot what it all tastes like.  Your work will be greatly helpful."

There, he tried.  Honestly, he just felt like he needed to leave.

"Don't thank me until you try it."

Everyone was watching him again.  He hadn't even taken a nibble yet.  Damn.  Where had his hunger gone?  Normally, any time food was placed before him, he'd eat it quickly.  But, he was sure eating so fast was not appropriate under these circumstances.  He was supposed to take it slow, right?  How much food on the spoon was considered too much?  If he didn't get it full enough, would he further insult the cook?  He still wasn't sure what he had done to piss him off in the first place.

Settling for a full, but not heaping, spoon, he put the utensil in his mouth.  Creamy.  Starchy.  His eyes went wide at the small spike in flavor he couldn't identify.  Little green bits of something.  It stung his tongue, but in a pleasant sort of way.  He quickly forgot everything he'd briefly remembered about manners and shoveled a much bigger bite into his mouth, working it around and savoring the contrasting flavors.

"Woah, man, slow down or you'll choke!" Matt warned through a giggle.

"Have you _tasted_ this?" Shiro asked, wondering how the others weren't all fighting for more already.

"I was the same way at first," Matt reassured.  "Still, it's not good to shovel it down like that.  Take your time and taste the other things, too.  There's more to try.  Don't forget that."

Slowing down was difficult, but he made an effort to at least take smaller bites.  Next was the jelly like substance.  It was fruit flavored, like a cross between what the others described as oranges and lemons.  He didn't remember what those were, but it was another explosion of different flavor.  He had to be reminded, again, to slow down.  On it went from portion of one food to portion of another.

Keith stopped him from reaching fore more.  "Hey, I think you should just wash it down with the milk.  Something blander to even things out.  You're shaking."

Indeed he was doing more than shaking.  He was crying again.  This time, though, he didn't register the tears.  They were just flowing all on their own.  Since when did he cry so much?  Why were they all staring at him?  Did any of them even touch their food?

Why was the room spinning?  That was the better question.

Someone was helping him up, pulling him out of the room.  Voices sounded alarmed, someone calmed them, but all Shiro needed to know was that there were less eyes on him.  He came back to himself, curled up against a hallway wall, knees drawn up and head down, breathing evening out from panic to rough and deep.

Someone sat beside him, close enough to touch, but far enough not to share body heat.

"You know, Matt and Mr. Holt were a lot like you are right now when we first got them back," Keith's voice sounded gentle.  "Even though Matt had gotten out way before his father, his life was constantly running and fighting.  He rarely got enough time to sleep a few hours here and there.  A meal was hard to come by, usually stolen.  Mr. Holt, on the other hand, was injured pretty bad when we got to him.  He puked up most of the food we tried to give him.  He hadn't eaten in so long...  He'd been living on liquids.  It's not so surprising that you're like this.  We should have thought about it and just given you one option to start with, then tried another tomorrow.  I'm sorry about that... and I'm sorry for bringing you to them so soon.  You should have had more time to adjust to the new environment.  It was my call on whether or not you were allowed to join us.  I should have protected you a little longer."

Something was placed in his hand.  A wet towel.

"You can clean yourself up or let me.  Either way, we need to get you different clothes.  You threw up all over these," Keith continued to talk, filling the silence.  "Matt or I can bring you more of that broth in a little while.  You kept that down earlier."


	5. Chapter 5

Three days passed.  Shiro kept to himself, only opening the door to his room to accept food.  He forgot to return the plates, and didn't really have much mind to wash them in the bathroom sink, either.  His clothes were starting to smell.  He forgot how to use the shower.

Keith checked in on him every day, but Shiro would brush him off.  He needed time to look over the files he had access to.  He needed to get a feel for the people he was now surrounded by.  The six other humans were all from Galaxy Garrison like himself.

There wasn't much information about Matt or Sam until the last couple years.  But the other four, and a fifth who looked just like him, had years of data stored up in the system.  He started with the copy of himself.  He had to find out what it was about that guy... what it was he did that put them all on edge.

As time went on, he lost the ability to just read up on one Paladin.  He had to read through their files mission by mission, incursion by incursion, each and every one, chronologically.  He watched video feed when it was available to accompany reports.  At some point, he could see the shift in the way they responded to one another.

At first, they had all been a bit standoff-ish, eager to prove themselves.  Then, when the second fake Shiro showed up, they were barely getting their acts together again.  Things progressed until that one committed suicide.  When the last one showed up, they really bought it.  Even Sam and Matt bought the act.  Shiro forgave them for that.  After all, with so many years apart, personality changes were bound to happen under the pressures they had all been put through.

Now they knew this one was a clone, but they still accepted him.  They even appeared to get intimate with him.  Not just one, but all of the Paladins.  Thankfully, Matt, Sam, Allura, and Coran kept their hands off and their minds straight.  At first, he thought they were all just kissing up on the fake.  Then he realized they were all somewhat more touchy feely than was generally recommended between co-workers.  None of the original five (did the clone count?) were completely platonic with one another by two years ago.

Then Pidge, the only human female among them, had been pregnant.  It was at this point that his console shut him out of the castle's data.

A scrawl of writing filled the screen.  'Get out of my personal data.'

Sighing, he moved back to the bed to stare up at the ceiling.  So.  That was it, then.  Whatever happened to the last clone had affected her baby, too.  Maybe it was the other way around.  The only way to find out was to ask, but he now knew that he couldn't ask Keith.  Asking Matt probably wouldn't be the best idea, either.  Maybe Commander Holt would be able to fill in the gaps, whenever he got back.

All kids, none of their own species to interact with besides each other.  Other compatible species were either unavailable or not-attracted to the humans.  Of course they would seek out each other eventually.  Puberty was puberty, and hormones were hormones.  They could only hold out so long before testing things, then investing in each other beyond what they should have as a professional team.  Shiro sighed.  How many times had he been aroused after a fight?  It was only natural.

It was dangerous.  One time, he thought he's found a willing partner.  They were allowed to share a cell.  The bitch nearly killed him in his sleep.

The real question now was whose data was at risk?  Pidge and Hunk were the more technical minded out of the Paladins, but all the others had learned a lot over the years.  Any of them could be monitoring the system.  Pidge, though, was the most likely to be keeping a constant eye on the databanks.

She would be his greatest obstacle in getting out of here, he surmised.  She would be able to stop him remotely if he tried taking a shuttle away.  She could also program the doors to keep him in if he chose to walk off while planetside.  Frowning, he realized he needed to find another way to escape.

Did he need to escape?  Was it really worth it?  Were these people his best shot at getting home?  Could he trust them not to kill him in his sleep?  Could he sleep again?

Frowning, he sat up and grabbed a fresh set of clothes.  Logging back into the main systems, he called up the castle layout and plotted a rout to what was labeled as a training deck.  Perhaps some physical movement could wear him out enough to sleep again.

Thankfully, the door was open when he approached.

Inside, he could see two people having a sparring match.  Lance and Keith were having it out in hand-to-hand combat.  He had seen some of their earlier sessions in the feed.  They were way more fast paced than back in their early days, and it seemed they could anticipate one another quickly.  The two were almost evenly matched.  Lance's height gave him more reach, and his slim build made him a smaller target.  Keith's shorter stature gave him access to more vulnerable targets, and his movements were very calculated, wasting as little energy as possible.  In the other corner was a similar story.  Getting closer, Shiro could now see Pidge and Hunk sparring farther in.  The tallest and biggest member was surprisingly light on his feet, but chose to absorb most of the smallest member's attacks rather than waste time and energy in dodging.  Pidge, though, was quick and erratic with her attacks.  She didn't leave much time to counter.

A soft alarm alerted them to his presence as he stepped through the door.  All four halted their movements to stare at him.  He put on a soft smile he hoped would put them at ease.  Well, if she was here, it wasn't Pidge keeping him out of her personal files.  Unless...

He took a good look at them.  None of them were sweaty yet.  Only Pidge was breathing hard.  They hadn't been here long.  Perhaps she had been the one to catch him after all.  Who knew how long he'd laid there after being caught, mulling over more ways to escape this place?

"Well, look who finally decided to come out of hibernation," Lance was the first to pipe up.

"Get in a suit," Pidge ordered.  "I want to fight you."

"Maybe you should calm down first," Shiro suggested.  "An angry opponent is an easy target.  Besides, I just came here to check things out.  I wasn't expecting to find any of you here."

"Well, we're here.  I'm here, and you pissed me off.  Now get suited up and fight me."

"No."

Damn.  This was his first time saying no to an opponent, willing or otherwise, in a long, long time.  He finally had the freedom to do so.  If he were still a captive of the Galra, he would have been whipped already, then sent back in to the ring to face the same combatant.  Nobody here was going to do anything like that.  Saying no to a fight, it filled his chest with pride and confidence.

"Why the hell not?" she kept demanding.

"Because, Katie," he surveyed all of them for their responses, "I don't fight to spar.  I fight to kill.  I don't want to kill any of you."

"Then the rest of us can monitor," Hunk suggested.  "Come on, man.  Let her get it out of her system.  She's actually starting to leave bruises on me here!"

"You guys probably don't have much experience with women, so let me tell you something," his mouth was running far ahead of his brain.  Not good.  "When someone like her is attacking you that hard, just flip her on the floor and fuck her.  Calms a bitch right down."

Keith looked just as appalled as Hunk.  Pidge was stalking closer, but Lance came out of nowhere and landed a hit on Shiro's cheek.  He felt the contact, reached out to grab the guy by the throat and threw him on the floor.  All he had to do was use Lance's momentum against him, just grab, turn, and shove.  It felt good to get that out of the way.  He hoped Lance wasn't going to get up again for a little while.  He needed each of them to attack.  Even Keith.  He needed to let each and every one of them get in one good hit.  Too much more, and he might hurt them in return.

He couldn't risk hurting them, but he could let them hurt him.

"Don't tell me you've never at least thought about it," he goaded Hunk again.  "Or did you let her put you on your back instead?"

Hunk's grip on Pidge's arm grew tighter as she tried to dart at him again.

"I seriously hope none of you ever expect to make it back to Earth.  Fraternizing sexually with your team is highly frowned upon.  Weren't you three teamed up in classes?  What kind of reprimand do you think that warrants?  What kind of reprimand for getting pregnant-"

Hunk let her go, following on her heels.  Pidge reached him first, taking a shot at his balls with her knee.  Hunk's fist caught him in the shoulder, the right one, directly where it met his replaced arm.  Shiro sucked in a breath, displacing his pain for long enough to shove the woman so hard she knocked the man down and landed on him.  Shiro was pretty sure he cracked one or two of her ribs in the process.  Unfortunate.

Keith still stood there, watching.

What would it take to get him to attack?

"Come on.  Get your shot.  I know you want it." Shiro opened his arms wide.

"Fuck off," Keith grunted.  "I know what you're doing.  Fuck off.  I'm not going to hit you.  And stop antagonizing the rest of my team.  I don't know how much you learned, but you clearly didn't learn enough."

"I can't believe the best student I had would ally himself with people who let themselves get so emotionally blinded during a battle that they loose all sense of training like that.  I can't believe that this is what the pilots of the most feared weapon in the Empire really are like.  Yet, none of you will let me know why!  What did I ever do to any of you?  Why do you three hate me so damn much?"

"They don't hate _you_ , Shiro," Keith answered.  "Leave us alone.  Focus on finding something helpful to do with Coran.  Get the other rescues moving around the castle.  Do something besides pick through our files and look for a fight."


	6. Wasteland

"Could you just give me a few minutes, please?"

Pidge sighed, shoulders drooping.

Shiro had been hounding her every step for the last two days.  After the time he decided against his better judgement and bullied them in the training deck, he had left them alone, all of them.  Keith backed off for a couple days before he checked in again.  The other three kept their distance completely.  Allura and Coran were no help in getting him passed Pidge's security block.  They wouldn't talk about it, either.

Instead, one of the other former prisoners mentioned something that drew his attention.  She had heard about the Green Paladin's impending motherhood and wondered out loud why none of them had seen the child.  One guy thought humans must have a very long gestation cycle.  They turned to a third, another female, who corrected them on everything.

"Humans have a mid-length gestational cycle for mammalian species.  The Green Paladin's pregnancy was terminated during the last portion of gestation."

"How do you know?" The first female questioned.

"The guards were hauling me in for questioning.  One of the consoles had a live feed from the bridge.  Of course, Champion here could tell you more.  He was present for the... event."

Shiro frowned in concentration.  "What do you mean?"

"You were on this ship when it happened.  Some rumors are that you did it yourself."

It wasn't accusatory, the way she spoke to him.  All the people in this room right now were made to kill children of one age or another at least once.  They were the elite of the elite of the gladiators.  Killing whomever was put in front of them was vital for their own survival.  The only thing odd would be placing one of them anywhere other than the arena to do so.

"That wasn't me," Shiro breathed out of his nose forcefully.  "They made a clone.  They cloned me to get intel on this ship and Voltron.  I was stuck with all of you."

"If she weren't pregnant, I'm sure they would have formed Voltron and killed us all in the battle at that time," the male sighed.  "Her loss was our saving grace, it seems... as per usual."

Shiro walked quickly out of the common room and went straight to the only person who seemed interested in listening to anything he had to say.  Keith wasn't back yet, so that only left Matt.  Matt wasn't around either.  Last ditch effort, he went straight to the one person who wanted him around the least; Lance.

The one thing he had not been subjected to was having to kill another human.  The thought of killing one of his own, especially an unborn child, made him sick.  Killing the young of other species was sickening, yes, but not quite as panic inducing to think about.

"What do _you want_?"  Lance glowered at him through the open door to his personal quarters.

"Did he kill her child?" Shiro cut to the bone of the questions he had for now.  "Did that clone attack Katie and kill her baby?"

If anything, Lance looked both relieved and apprehensive.  That was not the combination of emotions Shiro expected.  "Let's take a walk."

Lance didn't give him a second, just started walking forward, making sure the door closed quickly behind him.  Shiro noted that it was subsequently locked from the inside.  Someone was in there and didn't want him to see.  Was it her?  He hoped not.  Actually, he knew it wasn't.  She would have yelled at him or something by the first question.

"Yes, he killed his own kid," Lance supplied once Shiro fell into step beside him.  "He almost killed Pidge, too."

"His?" Shiro's eyes went wide.  "They made a clone capable of reproduction?"

"Seems so," Lance muttered.

"So, that's why you all hate me?  I look and sound like the guy who hurt your friend?"

"She's more than our friend, asshole," Lance shoved him in the shoulder, hard.  "And don't ever call her a bitch again!  We've been betrayed by that face of yours more than once.  So, you'll have to forgive our mistrust of you.  Honestly, not even Keith trusts you, especially after that stunt on the training deck."

"So, is he responsible for the drone following me around?"

"Nope.  That's Matt's doing." 

The smirk on Lance's face was tempting.  Tempting in that Shiro wanted to wipe it off with a fist.  That's what he'd done with all his previous opponents.  He had to breathe for a second, remind himself that this was not an opponent.

"So...  did any of you know he was a clone at the time?"

"Yeah, we did," Lance crossed his arms, looking back down the hall towards his room.  "Didn't stop Pidge from convincing us to accept him anyway.  Didn't stop anything until that day.  She will never forgive you for what he did.  I don't know if any of us can forgive him, but she was the most attached of all of us."

Shiro nodded, then asked directly, "Where can I find her?"

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"Right where you're not getting."

"Right back there in your room?"

"Right.  And she's not alone."

He let it go.  It didn't matter if the younger man was telling the truth or not about more than Katie being in his room.  He had to process this.

What was there to process?  She was the lone human female out this far in space.  He was straight.  Once she filled out, it was obvious that Matt's little sister was attractive.  Being that he was a bit of an alpha male type, the others would step aside and let him make moves on her until he got what he wanted or got her knee in his balls.

They had made the clones really, really well.

What had they done to get him to flip on them like that?

He was believable to all of them, especially Keith.  He had to at least feel something for these people.  He had to.

It didn't matter.  He still killed his own child.

Shiro needed to talk to Katie directly.  Over the next few days, he tried catching her in the kitchen, in the lab, on the way to Green's hangar, on the way to the bridge, on the way to anywhere.  He even stood outside her door until someone reminded him that she was still small enough to just crawl through the air vents overhead.

Now he caught her by the arm and pleaded.

"You get one minute," she intoned, not looking at him at all.

He wasted no time.  "You have no idea just how grateful I am for you.  Everyone, actually, but you especially.  I know you fought hard to keep my pod active until you could get me out safely.  But there's more than that.  Now, thanks to all of you, your efforts especially, I never have to kill another child."

She jerked away, rounding on him with a red face, fist raised.  He took the hit, biting back that urge to retaliate once again.  She didn't deserve it.  He didn't deserve her punch, either, not this time, but he had to take it.

"They made me kill children in the ring.  I have nightmares about it every so often.  Now, though, I know it's just a dream.  I get to wake up to a clean, fresh room, no blood on my hands, no cheers or jeers as some child falls dead.

"I need you to know, even though I didn't hesitate to kill them in the end, I killed them the fastest.  I made sure they didn't feel it as much as possible.  It was sickening, all of it was.  Those were the times they had to put me straight into the pod from the arena.  If I didn't kill the kid, someone else would, and they probably wouldn't be so nice about it.  I blocked some of them from others before I killed them myself."

"Why are you telling me this?" she demanded, fists shaking by her sides as she stared at the floor, tear streaked cheeks.

"Because, you need to know the truth about me.  I can't explain what happened to you, unless... maybe he figured it was better that way.  Maybe, our proximity allowed him to pick up something from me.  Maybe they used my mental state at that moment and broadcast it to him somehow.  I don't know."

"He...  he fought it...  Who told you?"

"Lance told me enough.  My point is, stop blaming him for what happened.  Blame his creators, blame whoever sent him whatever message or trigger it was that got him to kill your child.  If it were up to him, he wouldn't have done it."

" _I can never have children again_ _!_ " she hissed.  "It's his fault.  Now you're telling me it could be your fault, too?  And you want me to _forgive him_ _?_ "

"I want you to understand me," Shiro corrected.  "Katie, I'm not him.  I've done horrible things, yes, but I'm not at fault for this one thing.  It would be nice to get to know all of you without this damn wall you keep putting up.  I'm not here to hurt any of you.  You rescued me.  I'm trying to thank you and all that."

"You're a dick."

"I can be."

"Don't ever goad my boyfriends or me into attacking you again."

"Got it... wait," Shiro took a step back.  "Your boyfriends?  As in, plural?"

"Yes, as in plural."


End file.
